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Pat Robertson: Chile Earthquake Result Of Pact With Chupacabra

Atlanta- Pat Robertson, the conservative Christian televangelist and host of the 700 Club said that the 8.8 magnitude earthquake off the coast of Chile yesterday  was the result of the nations pact with the Chupacabra, or goat-sucker, a devilish beast blamed for livestock deaths across Latin America.


“Something happened a long time ago in Chile, and people might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said. “They were under the heel of the democratically elected SOCIALIST regime of Salvador Allende …and they got together and swore a pact to the chupacabra. They said, ’We will serve you if you’ll get us free from the the man we elected president, and install a military dictatorship that will make thousands of ‘troublemakers disappear.’” ”True story,” he continued. “And the devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ Ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after another.”


Robertson went on to say to that it was no coincidence that the quake took place near the city of Concepción, and it was “obviously a part of god’s plan to eradicate the right of women worldwide to have access to reproductive facilities and medical procedures.”


The massive tsunami, or “devil waves” that spread across the pacific threatened massive damage as well, but according to Robertson, caused no deaths because “God spared all of the good Christian people in Polynesia and the coast of the orient.”


Robertson was unavailable for further comment.

Posted in Satire.

  • MIKEEEEE

    conservatives have no sense of humor.

    the only way they laugh is if one of their leaders laughs otherwise, they stick to the message of their ‘solemn crusade’.

  • Buzzkill

    The author practically used the same insert/script that Pat Robertson said about Haiti and replaced it with Chile. It’s a classic case of Oh Exploitable! Welcome to the internet everyone!

  • Rebel

    @Anomaly: The offer still stands.

    By the way, why is it that when a liberal posts something satirical it is humor? Every time a conservative says something satirical it is not funny. Okay – I get it now. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.

  • Pingback: A Roundup of Horrible Things Pat Robertson Has Not Yet Said About Chile | Indecision Forever | Comedy Central

  • SAmmy Soso

    Actually makes sense when you think about it.

    Jess

  • Ana

    I must of missed this when I wrote my thesis on Chilean dictatorships!!! I think this is both tragic and funny, it shows, once again how religion poisons the minds of people that lack the ability of separating reality from stupidity. I feel for the Chilean people, Pat Robertson, in my opinion, should be the victim of a hate crime!
    See how that feels you white piece of trash, Bible belt banjo playing hillbilly!
    Latinos Unidos!

  • Pingback: Conservative Televangelist Pat Robertson Blames Chilean Earthquake on “Pact to the Chupacabra” « Nick Salyers

  • Yolie

    I think he says that almost to every country that was hit by major earthquakes every time… nothing new… similar like a fart… smelly at first but it fades with the wind after a while…

  • Chris

    @ L. Munoz
    u mad?

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